Listen To Your Heart
by CapeCodPhoenix
Summary: You never had a chance. Neither did I. Look where that got us.
1. Chapter 1

You hated her almost instantly. The first time you met her you could tell there was something about her that didn't sit well with you, before you'd even said a word. But then, there was also something about her that was alluring, that had pulled you to start a conversation despite that strange feeling in the pit of your stomach. You're not sure why, but this girl scared you, and fear was not an emotion you were used to.

The second time you saw her, you _knew_ you hated her. You didn't even speak to her, but then, you didn't need to. She was going for your look, but she was wearing it well. No, she was wearing it _better_ and that really pissed you off. Nobody wore things better than you did. Nobody did things better than you did. Okay, maybe _some_ people did _some_ things better than you did, but you'd never admit that to anybody but yourself. The point was, she wasn't supposed to look better than you. Nobody was supposed to look better than you.

But even with the fiery pit of burning hatred for her, you still felt yourself drawn to her, though you resisted the very confusing temptation of approaching her again. Instead you found your friends. They would make you feel better. They always did, though they didn't know it most of the time.

By the end of the night, you were exhausted, though nobody would know. You were tired of pretending you were okay. Tired of avoiding her. Tired of the constant pull in her direction. Tired of keeping up appearances, but you did it anyway. You plastered the fake smile on your face, pretending to be your normal self, but you weren't. Not that night, anyway. There was something different about you, but you couldn't for the life of you figure out what it was.

Don't ask me how I know all this; I wouldn't be able to tell you. I just do.

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**So I used three pronouns in this _you_, _I_, and _her_. Who do you think they refer to?**


	2. Chapter 2

Do you remember what happened that night? It was a perfect ploy really. You hated him, too, so using him, letting him become a casualty of your game was of no consequence to you. The feign of him being outside your window while we were changing, the insane idea of revenge. But it wasn't him you wanted revenge on. No, you could care less about him. You never intended to _really_ hurt either of them, but then, you hadn't intended to stumble upon them being together. Like, _together_ together.

In a way, it was an accident, like you had told us. You hadn't intended to hurt them, but the shock of seeing them doing what they had been doing had greatly effected you. But not in the way you had told us. The rage built inside of you, like nothing you'd ever felt before. You hated the way she made you feel on a daily basis, but that was nothing compared to what you felt when you saw her with him. Him of all people. It was wrong on so many levels, but that wasn't what made you explode. No, it was that it wasn't you. She wanted him and not you. You weren't used to not being wanted.

You aimed it at her in a moment of anger; a moment of rage and jealousy, but that was all it took. One moment that took away her sight forever. You regretted it instantly, not that you'd admit it.

As soon as you'd realized that it had actually hit her, you ran. You knew that he had seen you, but as you ran your plot to frame him formed and thickened. You told us that nobody had seen you, that it had been an accident. You even, secretly, blackmailed him into taking the blame.

Then they both went away and it wasn't long before things had dulled into the way they had been before she had come to town.

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**So now there's _you_, _I_, _her_, and _him_. Who do you think they are? I don't think it's too hard to figure out after this chapter.**


	3. Chapter 3

I don't know why I keep coming here. There was always something about you that drew everybody in. Even in death, I keep coming back to you.

It's your fault, you know. It was always your fault. I can't believe it took me so long to see that. No, that's not true; it's not fair to you, or to your memory. It _was_ always your fault, but I hadn't been blinded. Not really. Somewhere deep down, I had known that, I had seen everything. I had feigned ignorance, choosing instead to only see the more positive traits.

From the first time you spoke to me, you had me wrapped around your finger. You knew that. Hell, _everyone_ knew that, but then, I had tried to pretend that they didn't, that _you_ didn't.

See where that got me?

I suppose, in a way, it was a good thing. I got to know you in a way that most people didn't. I endured everything and was rewarded with that side of you that no one else seemed to see, no one else seemed to know. The part of you that was sweet and tender and somewhat genuine.

It was worth it, you know? You were worth it. Every second with you was worth it and I wouldn't give a single one back, not for anything. Even though from the second she came to town, I knew. Even if you didn't realize it yet, I knew.

Suddenly, you were in my shoes. Longing for someone who would never be yours. Not understanding why you were longing for her in the first place. That feeling you got, knowing it was right, but still thinking it was wrong, because, as my mother would say, "What would the neighbors think?"

Not that you ever really cared what anyone thought. Except for her. You cared about what she thought. And you hated that sometimes.

I've never said it out loud before. I was always too scared, but I loved you. Sometimes, I hated that I loved you, because as much as I tried to deny it, there were times when you treated us like shit; there were times when you treated _me_ like shit. Mostly, I just hated that you never loved me back. But I never hated you. Even when I knew you loved her, I never hated you. I never could.

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	4. Chapter 4

I saw her today. For the first time since that night I saw her. She looks better than ever, apart from not being able to see. I can see how you fell for her. In fact, I think the only thing that kept me from falling for her back then was the fact that I was in love with you.

I know how you feel more than ever now. I went through it with you, and now I'm going through it with her, just like you did. I'm just drawn to her. I know it'll never work out though, not after what you did. She won't want anything to do with me, or you, or anyone who was close with you.

The difference between you and me, though, is that I'm not blind to how I'm feeling. Even with you I wasn't blind to how I was feeling, not for long anyway. I knew I loved you. And I've happily accepted that I'm gay now.

Now, I just want her, though I know I'll never have her. I know she'll never want me. I don't know if she's straight or not, but that night ruined any chance I could have had with her. I'm not naïve enough to believe differently.

At least she can't catch the longing look on my face though. She can't torture me endlessly with the knowledge that I like her, like you did. She won't know. Because she can't see it. Because she can't see at all. Because of you.

I think I understand a little better now, though. You never had a chance. You were destined to fall for her. From the first glimpse, you were hooked, and you couldn't control that. Just like I never had a chance. From the moment I met you, I was hooked. I suppose you could say that I still am. It would explain why I always come back here.

And now here I am, again, hooked. On her this time, just like you were.

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	5. Chapter 5

I ran into her the other day. Literally. I wasn't paying attention to where I was going; I was late for practice, so I was practically sprinting across town. I turned the corner and next thing I knew we were both on the ground.

You probably would have laughed if you'd seen it. Not because it was funny, but just because you could.

You can probably guess that I started spurting out an apology before I'd even seen who I'd run into.

She'd known it was me, probably recognized my voice. I helped her up, apologizing again, and not just for knocking her down. What happened that night was horrible. The girls and I should have stopped you from doing it, but we didn't.

I'd like to say we had no control over it, but that wasn't true. We could have said no to you at any time. It is partially your fault. Your charisma, your secrets, your uncanny ability to figure out all of our secrets, your tendency to use them against us, to manipulate us as you had seen fit. But we are our own, as are our actions or, in this case, our lack thereof.

I think she could tell that it wasn't just for knocking her over that I was apologizing for. There was no emotion in her voice when she told me she wanted to talk to me. We were both late for things, so we couldn't do it then, but I'm going to her house tomorrow.

I'm going to tell her everything. Everything the girls know. Everything I know. Everything about you. Most importantly: everything about that night.

She deserves the truth. I know if you weren't already dead, you'd kill me for even thinking about doing this, but I guess that's a moot point now, isn't it? Plus, let's be honest here, she probably already knows that it was you who blinded her. Toby knows, so she probably does too.

Maybe, just maybe, after I tell her everything, and apologize, I might have a chance. Maybe, just maybe, you haven't ruined everything.

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	6. Chapter 6

I did it. I told her everything. Just as I said I would.

The truth is something none of us could ever imagine if you were still here. With you, we were always hiding, as if none of us were ever good enough, as if you were the only one with anything to lose.

The truth, it feels good to finally be able to say it.

She listened to me, like really listened, in a way that you never bothered to do for anyone. I told her how I loved you, and how, though poorly shown, I was sure that you loved her. I told her how we'd always followed you pretty blindly, and how I now know how foolish it was to do so. I told her how I've never been able to let you go, how I come here all the time, and talk to you. I told her how sorry I am.

Most importantly, at least it is now, I told her how I feel. I told her that though I still seem to be attached to you, I really like her. I told her that she didn't need to do anything with that information, in fact, that I wasn't expecting her to do all that much with it, but in the spirit of coming clean about everything, it was something that needed to be said.

And you know what?

She forgave me. She forgave me for _everything_. She said that she appreciated _me_ and the fact that I'd taken it upon myself to tell her the truth and apologize. She said that she wanted to start over with a clean slate, that she wanted to get a chance to know the real me before passing any judgment.

And you know what else?

She forgave you too.

Though, in all honesty, you don't deserve it.

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	7. Chapter 7

I've kind of been dating her. Nothing official or anything, but we've been hanging out, getting to know each other. We've been telling each other stories, moments of our lives, and I've been feeling guilty because most of mine revolve around you and the girls. I won't apologize for the moments we've had, and I wouldn't trade them for anything, but I feel like I'm slapping her in the face every time I mention you.

She's come to realize that since you've been gone, we've all changed. We're not as close as we used to be, but we're still friends. It pains me to say it because I loved you so much, but we're all better people without you here.

I think she feels guilty too, because of Toby, and how many of her stories involve him. He's back too, by the way. He's dating Spencer now, and they make a really cute couple.

I've figured out that she's really good at tasting something and figuring out what was in it. We've been cooking together, trying new things. I guess her sense of taste and smell is heightened to compensate for her lack of sight. I wonder if that will go away if she gets her sight back.

Yeah, she's contemplating getting a surgery that may restore her vision. I'm excited for her. She never deserved to lose it in the first place. Just as, despite all the horrible things you've done, you didn't deserve to die.

It's sad to think whoever killed you got away with it, but at the same time, even though you didn't, some thing tells me whoever did it thought you deserved it. You weren't as well liked as you made us believe. You were just powerful, manipulative, feared and envied.

I suppose we can't dwell on the past though, even though I do it far more often than is probably healthy. As evidenced by my frequent visits to talk to you.

Anyway, I thought I'd warn you that she said if she goes through with the surgery and it works, that she wants to come with me to visit you. I don't know why I'm warning you, I mean you're already gone, and even if you weren't, knowing her as I do now, she's probably just coming to tell you she forgives you and that she's sorry that you're gone. She's genuinely a good person. You picked a wonderful person to fall in love with. We both did.

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**Only a couple more chapters left!**


	8. Chapter 8

Sorry it's taken me this long to visit. Emily said she comes here a lot and talks to you. She said it's been very therapeutic, so I figured I'd try it out.

She'd probably be here right now, talking to you, but Jenna's having her surgery right now, and you couldn't pry Em away from her for anything. Toby's there too, so I guess that's why I'm here.

I don't know what Emily's told you, hell, I don't know if you can even hear us. I'm not sure if you're up in some heaven or down in some hell, or if you're just sitting here in the dirt rotting away.

I hated you at the best of times and loved you at the worst, so I think it's fair to say that we were like sisters. Always at each other's throats, but for the most part, we were there for each other when it counted. At least I'd like to think that we were.

We could have been sisters, you know. I think Jason thinks you already knew, but I found out he's my half-brother, so I guess we'll always have him as a link between us.

After everything that we've been through, it's hard to say I miss you, but then it's hard not to as well. I do, in this weird way, you brought out parts of us that made us better people.

Toby's not the creep that you and everyone else painted him out to be, you know? He's sweet and respectful. He balances out my more anal-retentive qualities that I inherited from my family. And god, his abs. He's a carpenter. He takes whatever jobs he can get, but he's good.

Anyway I guess I just wanted to tell you that I forgive you, for everything, for what happened with Toby and Jenna, and that if there's life beyond death, and we meet again someday, hopefully it will be on better terms than when we last parted.

Oh, and Toby, he forgives you too. I think he said something about if it hadn't been for you, we probably wouldn't be us. So thanks for sending him my way. I really love him.

I'll try to visit more often. I hope wherever you are, you're in peace.


	9. Chapter 9

It worked. The surgery worked. She can see again.

I was a nervous wreck, going to see her the other day. I'm ashamed to say that the idea that she might see me and not like what she saw passed through my mind many times. I was scared, and I can't believe I let myself think so little of her.

You know what she told me when she saw me though? She told me I'm more beautiful than she remembered. She said that the image she had in her head hadn't done me justice. She said that I was special because I'm as beautiful on the outside as I am on the inside.

I cried. I was so happy. And just when I thought things couldn't get any better. She asked me to be her girlfriend officially.

And of course I said yes.

She wants to see you. I'm going to pick her up in a few minutes, but I wanted to talk to you first, just so you'd know what's going on. Not that it matters.

Are you watching over us? All of us? I wonder sometimes if that's why we all seem to be getting along so well in our lives now. Everything just seems to be falling in place. For all of us.

Hanna lost all the weight you used to make fun of her for. She's dating Lucas now. You know the one you used to call a hermaphrodite. That was really mean of you, though, I'm sure that was your point.

Aria finally got together with Noel Kahn. They're really cute together. And you know she's had a crush on him for a while.

Spencer. Well you saw Spencer. I'm sorry I didn't warn you she was coming, she didn't mention it until after, but she said it really helped her. She and Toby are so happy and deliriously in love.

Jason's clean and sober now. He and Spencer are trying to figure out their relationship, now that they know they're related. Did you know about that? You probably did.

I've already told you all about me, and Jenna will be here shortly, so anything you don't already know, she'll probably fill you in.

I should go get her now, but we'll be back soon. Just, when we get here, I'm not going to say anything. It will be Jenna's time, you know?

And if it's you, helping us get our lives together, then thank you.

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**Only two more chapters!**


	10. Chapter 10

Hi.

I don't really know what to say. I didn't really talk to you much when you were here, but now that you're gone, I suppose it's just surreal. Everything.

I suppose Emily's already told you that I had surgery, and that it worked. I can see again. Like I said, everything's so surreal right now. Things are happening that I never even imagined could.

Like Emily. I know it hasn't been that long yet, but already, she's my world.

She's told me a lot of things. Like how you felt about me. Or I suppose it was how she thinks you felt about me, as something tells me that was something you never would have admitted.

I'm sorry I never got the chance to really know you. To know you like Emily knew you.

I probably had good reason to want you dead, but I never wished it, and I'm sorry it happened. You should be here, with us, with all of us, but I guess you kind of are. Maybe. I don't really know what happens when you die. I guess you do though.

Anyway, none of that is why I came here today. Emily says she talks to you a lot. I just came here because I needed you to know. No, I just needed to say it to you.

I forgive you. For that night. And for anything else involving the two of us that I probably don't know about.

I actually forgave you a long time ago. I only wish I had told you while you were still alive. You deserve to know.

I guess that's all. I don't want to disturb you. I hope wherever you are, you're at peace. And don't worry about Emily. I promise I'll take good care of her.

I guess this is goodbye. Maybe we'll meet again when the time is right.


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